Feeling So Guilty

i guess today is my first time going out to eat dim sum with my grandmother after all these years...

last night, my aunty called my mother and me but both of us didn't answer. after a while, my mother messaged her back and ask why did she call us.

my aunty called back and said that my grandmother wanted to meet me for breakfast tomorrow morning, which was today.

so, today i waited for them at the Komtar there and my aunty said she will fetch me at 9am. but i reached there at 8.30am.

Komtar

waited for them til 9am, my grandmother said i'm punctual... =S LOL... actually not always lorr...
suddenly i feel that my grandmother is getting older and older... i can see it from her face~ sigh... and yet, i can't do anything.

she gave me a 'big' ang pao today... swt... i felt so guilty because i know its her savings and how can i accept such a big ang pao? what i mean is that, i really feel bad about it and i wished to give her back.

but she said no and asked me to keep in case of anything happen to me when i am away from home... she also said that being away from home is different because in here, i can always go back to my family but when i'm away from home, everything will not be the same~

sigh... what should i do? i have to wait for another two years to give her back the ang pao and i really feel sorry and guilty for her because how could i take an old lady's ang pao?! shit me.

we went to eat dim sum and i feel that she eat really few only... sigh. is it she don't really like to eat dim sum? or what? i'm so guilty!

while we were having our dim sum, my aunty said that last night my grandmother slept half way then she dreamed about me and woke up and says that i'll be leaving and she didn't bring me to eat yet...

that's why my aunty called.
= =

my grandmother even asked for my account number... omg that makes me feel bad. but i didn't give her at last. LOL.

and she also said that if anyhting happen, i have to inform her. sigh. i'm feeling so guilty. what should i do? i'm so useless.